Author: Kristina Meyers

Sisters of the Yam – June 30th Healing Circle

Kristina Meyers July 10, 2016 0 Comments

Get Smart B4 U Get Sexy Sisters of the Yam Healing Circle Flyer

Black women have a lot on their plates!

We seldom have time to really think about how we’re feeling. We seldom have time to think about our thoughts. I mean…we’re already thinking enough! NOW we gotta think ABOUT our thoughts. I get it, I get it.

But really though, have you ever sat down and taken an inventory of your negative thoughts? Have you ever assigned a word, emotion, feeling or color to those thoughts? Well, this week at Sisters of the Yam we did. Its easy to just say “I’m in a bad mood” or assign a judgment to a strain of thoughts but what if you took time to put your thoughts on display and review their texture and tone. This process is called meta cognition or being aware of the thoughts you have and the way you’re thinking about your life.

This week we took a journey into our inner worlds. Using a dialectical behavioral therapy worksheet we took one pervasive thought we had during the day and charted the action or behavior that might stem from that thought. Afterwards, we took time to label that thought process. Labeling your thinking is important. If we understand that we are having self conscious or angry thoughts we can prepare for the behaviors and actions that might follow. We have time to think about whether or not we want to act on our insecurities or anger.

So, just to be clear Sisters of the Yam is not ALL talk. We get down to business. Eventually, we created a mural together. We painted an artistic representation of our favorite unhelpful thinking pattern (see: Unhelpful Thinking Styles Worksheet) and then an artistic representation of how we would combat that unhelpful thinking pattern.

For more information about sisters of the Yam click this link. To submit an application to join the group email sisterxhealing@gmail.com

Straight Out of Rape Culture

Kristina Meyers June 30, 2016 0 Comments

In April 2016 the Women’s Leadership Project and Young Male Scholars’ in collaboration with Get Smart B4 U Get Sexy facilitated a workshop entitled “Straight Out of Rape Culture”.

Women of color have the highest rates of sexual assault, sexual harassment and sex trafficking in the U.S.

Our workshop focused on answering questions like:

Do media images in music and videos play a role?
What are common myths and stereotypes about rape and sexual harassment?
What do you need to know about creating a healthy relationship with your partner?
And how can men and boys be part of the solution in stopping violence against women of color?

Excerpt from Workshop: Our facilitators ask students to respond to our rape culture survey. Here is a student explaining why she disagrees with the statement: “There are certain types of women that deserve to be sexually harassed”

What is one issue affecting the health of your community?

Kristina Meyers June 1, 2016 0 Comments

While recruiting for the Youth, Justice and Advocacy team, Get Smart B4 U Get Sexy has intermittently given presentations about the team at a group dedicated to girls of color called Girl Talk and several classes (home-rooms and college preparatory classes) at Crenshaw High School.

We’ve reached over 60 youth at Crenshaw High School through this work.

Get Smart B4 U Get Sexy staff working with teens at Crenshaw High School

View our photo gallery from a student art show:

How To Claim Your Sexuality

Kristina Meyers July 15, 2015 0 Comments

By Monica Groves

The media is permeated with images of Black female promiscuity, ass, ass, ass, being objectified by men, and violence.

The overriding message is to devalue black womanhood…and more ass. There are times when Black women in America are lost. There are times when Black women in America don’t know who they are, so how do we redraw the lines and claim our sexuality?

Get to know your body. Self-Exploration is key in getting to know what you like. Society has programmed women to think that sex is for the pleasure of the man, but with self-love and a renewed focus on your pleasure sex can be about both of you.

Openly communicate with your partner. Your partner won’t know what you like if you don’t tell them. To make the experience better for both of you have a conversation about your likes, dislikes, fantasies, and limits, etc.

Know your history. There’s often inaction due to fear. To combat fear, read the story and history of Black women by Black women. In addition, take a look at the images and messages about Black female sexuality that are prevalent today. Having a better understanding of your past and present and differentiating the Black woman’s truth from society’s dominating harmful imagery that is not created by Black women for Black women allows you to clear your mind and be in command of your sexual future for yourself.

Talk to your Doctor. If you have any sexual or reproductive concerns talk to your doctor. Any issues can be treated and your fears squashed by getting answers from a medical professional. They can also help you create the best reproductive health plan for your lifestyle.

Have standards. Don’t go looking for love in all the wrong places. Claiming your sexuality doesn’t mean humping indiscriminately. Be free, but be smart. Know that you are sacred and recognize the power of your vagina.

When to Get Tested For an STD …

Kristina Meyers July 8, 2015 One Comment

So…something happened

Either you or your partner is experiencing some odd body changes (bumps, colored discharge, bleeding during sex…) or you had unprotected sex with someone you just weren’t too sure about their status and you are starting to feel a little paranoid. First thing to do is breathe, relax and know that getting tested is your sure way to identify your health status. Breathe again and know that if anything did happen most sexually transmitted infections are curable with antibiotics. After you identify where the closest or farthest health center is from your house or work lets figure out when you had unprotected sex. Why is this important? Tests for different sexually transmitted infections have different window periods of accuracy. Lets take a look at the timeline of efficacy:

Chlamydia – Accurate tests 14 days after unprotected sex.
Gonorrhea – Accurate tests 7 days after unprotected sex.
Both Chlamydia and Gonorrhea are notorious for showing no symptoms leading them to go under the radar for most people. If there are to be symptoms, look out for burning urination, bleeding after or during sex or bleeding in between periods, greenish discharge.
HIV – 3 months after unprotected sex the test will be 97% accurate. 6 months after unprotected sex the test will be 100% accurate. Why so long? Most tests are looking for antibodies to HIV and it can take 3 – 6 months for antibodies to start showing up on tests.
Herpes – If you believe that you might be experiencing a herpes outbreak it is important to be screened as soon as possible before the sores scab over to ensure an accurate viral culture. A culture is when a health provider takes a sample of skin that is infected that will be tested on and looked under a microscope. Sores can be described as being painful, burning sensations. Most people have been exposed to herpes even though you may never have symptoms. Your exposure can be detected through a blood test but this test will never let you know when that exposure may have happened.
Syphilis – Accurate tests after 10 – 30 days (this is the time frame when generally the first stage of syphilis can happen which are similar to sores but called chancres and can go unnoticed because chancres are generally painless).

At the Health Center

Most tests are done through urine, mouth swab or a quick finger prick for a blood sample.

However, if you are experiencing symptoms it is important to not be shy and speak up since it will help you have more appropriate resources at your disposal. You will likely be screened appropriately based on what you might be experiencing but know that you have patient rights so it is always your right to have a nonjudgmental, culturally appropriate experience at health centers so always advocate for yourself. For women, vaginal smears are looking for both common vaginal infections that aren’t always sexually related and sexually related infections like Trichomoniasis (“Trich”). If you are experiencing symptoms it is important to ask for an exam because then you can be screened for all infections including Trichomoniasis (“Trich”) which isn’t included in general STI testing because a vaginal swab needs to be taken.

Some vaginal symptoms to look out for: itching, burning or irritation in the vagina, yellowish, greenish or gray discharge, thicker than normal discharge, bleeding during/after sex. For males be open about where and for how long you have been experiencing symptoms so that the health care provider can take a look and possibly a culture if needed. The body is a complex machine that we don’t always think about until something strays from the usual. Most sexually transmitted infections do not show symptoms and go undetected for some time so talking to partners and getting tested or deciding to always use barrier methods is crucial. Assessing what risk factors you are open to and not comfortable with is important for maintaining good health while also being able to express this to partners. If you have an intimate partner who you might not be comfortable having that conversation with at all then maybe that can be taken into consideration as to if that person may be worth your time.

Have additional questions? Ask Get Smart Get Sexy.

Decolonizing the Black Woman’s Sense of Self

Kristina Meyers July 8, 2015 0 Comments

African American woman staring into the distance

By Mo Groves

Decolonize (de·col·o·nize) – To Free from Colonial Status. To allow to become self-governing or independent.

As Black women we live in a world where white reigns. There are countless instances where we perpetuate and value European colonial ideals because unbeknownst to us; we have been beaten with messages of self-hate. In growing more conscious I have started to see some of my own behaviors that reinforce the European Colonial Ideal.

I have found myself longing for the curls the mixed girls have. If I could just have that pretty, springy bouncy, loose golden-red curls like Freddie from “A Different World” I’d be in there. That thought reinforces the dogma of good hair vs. bad hair. In my mind I have bad hair because I’m not mixed. I am valuing the whiteness.

I find myself in “professional” settings code-switching because I have been taught that the way I naturally speak is not professional, not appropriate, not white enough. So I over-enunciate things trying to meet the European Colonial Ideal.

Even as a child, Black dolls weren’t readily available to poor black people. It was either a white doll or nothing. The lack of positive images of Black girls and women teaches little Black girls that there is no value in Blackness. You find little girls aspiring to be like their white dolls. Straight hair, light eyes, and fair skin.

Chinweizu, author of The West and the Rest of Us: White Predators, Black Slavers, and the African Elite, wrote: “The central objective in decolonizing the African mind is to overthrow the authority that alien traditions exercise over the African. This demands the dismantling of white supremacist beliefs, and the structures which uphold them, in every area of African life. It must be stressed, however, that decolonization does not mean ignorance of foreign traditions; it simply means denial of their authority and withdrawal of allegiance from them.”

In line with Chinweizu’s position on decolonizing the African mind, Black women must consciously nullify the power of the European Colonial Ideal by embracing their curves, kinky hair, and melanin in spite of societal pressure to act, look and embrace the alien ideals of colonialism. Black women must create outlets and safe places to share positive images, common experiences, empowering stories to invalidate the degradation they suffer at the hands of a Eurocentric world. We must perpetuate our own agenda by living an authentic life filled with self-love, active support of each other, and the constant seeking of knowledge to bridge the educational and spiritual gap between the Diaspora and the essence of Mother Africa.
Source: http://atlantablackstar.com/2013/11/18/dynamics-domination-6-steps-arabs-europeans-used-establish-dominion-black-people/3/

What is Sex?

Kristina Meyers April 24, 2015 0 Comments

For some sex can be a simple equation “intimacy + pleasure = sex”

… but then to many sex is something that can vary greatly and can hold its own range of binaries: “good/bad,” “healthy/traumatic,” “affirmed/stigmatized,” “with self/with others.” We have an expectation that sex is intimate, stimulates pleasure, it’s the bridging of the emotional, spiritual and physical. However, for some sex may not be any of these things. When we came together on April 4th at #sexspeaks we – a group of Women of Color – answered this question “what is sex?” and here are some of our responses to start the conversation…

Sex is the expression of one’s intimate needs. It’s a quest for pleasure.

Intimacy – physical & emotional but also oral, vaginal, anal, consensual.

Sacred, intense, feel good exchange of passion.

A conversation, dialogue, intimacy, self-expression.

Something that can vary greatly! – (good/bad), (healthy/traumatic), (affirmed/stigmatized), (with self/with others)

Loving yourself enough to share emotions and physical self with someone special.

Sex = intimacy + pleasure

Intimacy = Love

Physical connection

The act of an expression of the power and love which we all hold within.

Human

A physical check-in with your intimate partner.

Appreciating someone else while appreciating yourself.

Sex can make you feel the closest to someone or the furthest away from someone.

Sex can be an experience that can be engaged on an individual level or with one or more partners. Sex does not “require that individuals or their partners are a certain gender, or that a person’s body looks or acts a given way or has a certain set of abilities. Some people engage with sex later in life, some may decide not to. Sex is highly individual and isn’t based on a person’s gender, sexual orientation, age, shape or size, race, character, religion or anything else like that.”

Sex is a variety of many things and there is no right or wrong way to engage or participate but at Get Smart B4U Get Sexy we support only consensual behavior and do not support nonconsensual behavior and sex. We believe that sex involves wants, freely choosing and agreeing to do and actively participating in – no one should ever feel pressured or forced to do anything that they don’t want.

Sex is many things but one thing that is crucial to sex is communication!

Communication that is honest, expressive; which supports and acknowledges all acting participants’ voices. Communication that respects different opinions, ideas and wants. Communication that balances power and does not support oppressive systems and silencing.

Communication that openly discusses everything and where no one is shamed for any question or answer, for example…

How does that feel?

That feels great. I like to be kissed before doing anything else…

Would you want to do this _____ ?

No but I am interested in this ________. Is that something you are interested in?

When was the last time you were tested or had unprotected sex?

I use condoms with any new partner. I was last tested a month ago and I haven’t had any new partners. My test results were negative for chlamydia, gonorrhea, and HIV.
I was tested 6 months ago and tested positive for chlamydia. I got treatment and got retested 3 months afterwards and my results have since been negative.

Do you like to cuddle after sex?

I sometimes fall asleep after sex so please don’t take offense if I do and can’t cuddle.
I like to be cuddled after sex.
I don’t want to be cuddled.

Daring to ask questions and being brave in being truthful to your response is hard but it is vital in really creating trusting, healthy relationships. If you feel that you don’t feel safe asking or responding to a question take that as a sign that this may or may not be the best situation for you and that sex may be out of the question.
There should be no shame in asking questions nor shame in your response so if there is a sense of uncertainty this could be a clear indicator that you may be in a questionable situation where you are not going to experience a life giving, affirming, pleasurable, respectful…experience. Know yourself and make your own decision before someone makes a choice for you that may go against what you want. Questions are a way for us to assess a situation; asking questions can be a survival instinct and can spark innovation. Welcome questions and be prepared for answers and always acknowledge the important questions around consent!

Communication is key because it allows us to actively be in control of what we want and don’t want. By breaking silences and discussing everything we can feel more in charge of our safety, health and well-being. Sex is many things but communication is everything to sex.

Have communication questions around sex?
Ask Get Smart B4U Get Sexy.
Send questions to krissy@bwwla.com.

[1] Scarleteen, “What’s Sex?” http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/whats_sex

#sexspeaks

Kristina Meyers April 14, 2015 0 Comments

On April 4th at #sexspeaks, we – female identifying Women of Color – came together in an intimate space for storytelling, reflection, dialogue and healing.

We found time to reflect, share and explore ways we – as Women of Color – practice self love. As Women of Color we often times are expected to be everything and everywhere for others and often times we put other’s needs before ours which can jeopardize not only our sanity but our health and overall well-being. In our #sexspeaks space we thought it would essential to ask and discuss self love practices.

Some of us are still working on it and we know we could def do better at this but lets honor ways that we currently hold space for ourselves to practice self care and self love. This list was created by women from #sexspeaks and our response to the question:

How Do You Practice Self Love?

1. Saying NO

This can be a hard act but it is often times the most radical thing one can do to practice caring and loving for oneself. As women it is important to be aware of our wants, needs, desires and vision of how we walk in this world in order to understand who we are, to act in accordance to ourselves and truly be present in how we want to move, act and support community in this world. Saying No helps us build healthy support and boundaries to maintain moving in the direction of where we want to be. Oftentimes we find ourselves putting other tasks or people before ourselves even when we know that it might not be life giving and in support of who we are.

So lets practice Saying No. Saying no helps us maintain healthy boundaries.

Before saying No, reflect on: will this suck life out or breathe life in?

Reflect on this Mantra – Saying No does not make me selfish. Saying No means I recognize that not all things need my energy. Saying No helps me honor my commitments. It is important to fill myself up first so that I have something to give to others.

2. Being Still, Finding Silence, Me Time, Time for Self Reflection, Meditation.

Meditation can look different for everyone. Sometimes, it is simply just finding space to yourself to find your breath, sit still, stretch, observe the environment you are in …

Writing: in a journal, writing my morning pages.
Rub down with coconut oil
Painting my nails
It is hard but allowing myself to cry and be emotional; release
Positive self talk and compassion for my needs
Prayer
Brain Games – like Sudoku, crosswords, puzzles, writing poetry, etc.
Being present and clear so that I am able to know and hear myself
Self-evaluating
Reminding myself of my strong characteristics
Art
Hiking with myself and with my Bé
Reading.

3. Eating Right!

Eating good food and being aware of what we fuel our bodies with is important for sustaining our energy, strength, and happiness. Also, enjoy foods that fuel you on a spiritual, nutritional, cultural level … enjoy foods that connect you to family, friends, traditions or culture. Food is a building bridge for community – meals bring people together and if you may be far from family or friends eating a meal can connect you to those who you may love and miss.

What recipes bring you joy?

Check out Food Heaven Made Easy for some yummy recipes:
http://www.foodheavenmadeeasy.com/

4. Movement!

Movement – being active is healing and it is good for the body and can release stress, increase endorphins to elevate mood, energy and happiness levels…how do we move?

Hiking with myself and with my Bé
Exercise, traveling, tennis,
Yoga
Pleasure Inducing, Hot, Sweaty Sex
Twerking
Dancing along to Beyonce and youtube videos
Masturbation – Self Pleasure – Body Exploration – Pleasure Exploration
Laughing – a good, hard, bellyful laugh always fills the soul and moves the body in a way to feel refreshed.

5. Being Mindful of the Company We Keep

Surround yourself with positive people who support and acknowledge you! Being mindful of those around you and separating ties from those who may hold you down, don’t think of your needs as important can be a very liberating practice and support in bringing more sanity, safety and happiness for you in the long run.

6. Having great friendships – surrounding myself with those who understand my worth.

7. Find Time to Rest and Sleep!

Sleep is healing and is a time to recharge. Want to try mindful sleeping? Slow yourself down before going to bed by finding your breath, stretch before sleep and ask yourself a question and see how that question may affect your dreams when you awake. Before going to bed spray lavender or chamomile on your pillow and enjoy a sweet sleep.

Mucho love,

#sexspeaks

Songs to Help Set that Special Mood

Kristina Meyers February 13, 2015 0 Comments

Janet Jackson "That's the way Love Goes" Video Thumbnail

Not exclusive to Valentine’s Day/Evening

Love makin’, sexy time … or just “get your freak on time” sometimes requires pre-planning and conversations with your partner(s) about what they like, don’t like, sexually transmitted infection history to allergies (latex can be a common allergy for some people).

So, besides planning the logistics (time, place, condoms, birth control, candles, massage oil…) Get Smart B4U Get Sexy has a list of song recommendations that can help you set the tone so you have one less thing to worry about. Have other songs to add to the list? Leave a comment and we will be sure to update!

Tweet “Way to Love”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yloOFfb8gjE

Raheem DeVaughn “You”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GD9-RnX2gQQ

Musiq Soulchild “So Beautiful”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgPpowVNEfE

Janet Jackson “That’s the Way Love Goes”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUOkg4jFNus

The Isley Brothers “Between the Sheets”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glhdcJ7K3XM

Beyonce & Justin Timberlake “Until the End of Time”

112 “Peaches and Cream”

Nina Simone “I Want a Little Sugar in My Bowl”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GbKlvWvpD2g

Ginuwine “Pony”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbnoG2dsUk0

Kelly Rowland “Motivation”

Color Me Bad “I Wanna Sex You Up”

Goapele “Closer”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eu3ow7hvEXQ

Etta James “I Just Want to Make Love to You”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJiL5siOqqw

Bob Marley “Guava Jelly”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCoAP43lujk

Lauryn Hill & D’Angelo “Nothing Even Matters”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzEq3qMLToM

Janet Jackson “The Pleasure Principle”

J Holiday “Bed”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82t_UOMHPJY

Ciara “Ride”

Roberta Flack “I Feel Like Making Love”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2a89KJV4os

The Four Tops “Baby, I Need Your Loving”

Bob Marley feat. Lauryn Hill “Turn Your Lights Down Low”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VitKvID-uvY

Michael Jackson “PYT”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zvS4TppP4I

Aaliyah “Rock the Boat”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVMcIEPZ9YY

TLC “Red Light Special”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dP2t9LBeAwo

D’Angelo “Untitled (How Does It Feel)”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1WGn7da0co

Marvin Gaye “Sexual Healing”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjlSiASsUIs

1. Salt-N-Pepa “Shoop”

What is the Clit?

Kristina Meyers November 13, 2014 0 Comments

A community member member asks a question

Answer: For some “clit” is an affectionate nickname for the erectile tissue found above the urethra and vaginal opening which is the clitoris.

Some women like clitoral stimulation during times of self or partner pleasure and it can definitely be considered an orgasmic spot with the 8,000 nerve endings running throughout it. In some anatomy books the clitoris may just appear to be a small area covered by the clitoral hood positioned right above the urethra but the clitoris is similar to an iceberg where most of its body is found below the immediate surface. The internal structure of the clitoris surrounds the “urethrovaginal” area. The internal structure of the clitoris includes the clitoral shaft, the crura, the corpus carvernosum, the urethral sponge and the vestibular bulb (new research calls the bulbs “bulbs of the clitoris”). The clitoris is erectile tissue that when aroused can become puffy, stiffer and somewhat hard. With all the nerve endings running throughout the clitoris it can be a sensitive area so some people enjoy light stimulation to start such as soft circles or light kissing.

The glans clitoris which is covered by the clitoral hood can be found externally right above the urethra and vaginal opening. The remainder of the clitoris is found internally surrounding the “urethrovaginal” area. Clitoral photo found at http://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodies/with_pleasure_a_view_of_whole_sexual_anatomy_for_every_body

For further readings / images check out:

For easy reading: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodies/with_pleasure_a_view_of_whole_sexual_anatomy_for_every_body

For medical terminology and real life photos of the clitoris: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1283096/#!po=22.7273