Author: Nourbese

Meet the Faces of Get Smart

Nourbese September 23, 2014 0 Comments

“Va-gi-NA” whisper it a few times, then say it louder and louder. Eventually you will start feeling the power of the word and the internal power that exists within yourself. It took me a while to say or even acknowledge my vagina. I am currently 27 – still young, always independent and a womanly force – however my confidence and independence may be noticeable to others but internally I haven’t always recognized my power, let alone sexual independence. Although a native to Los Angeles there wasn’t always the Hollywood glamour that shined through my eyes. The lack of images of Black women not only within Hollywood but also the media in general made me feel insignificant growing up. The hypersexual images of Black girls and women confused me as they didn’t help me connect to my thicker than most LA women’s body. I developed a comedic sense to mask some of the pain behind well not being seen. I dated around a lot, if well is that what we are calling friends with benefits now, trying to find myself in the warm embraces of others. Often I saw myself only as a pleasure object to others leaving me disengaged in sex. Through the years as I’ve grown into loving myself, but I definitely have learned some lessons the hard way. I come into a better relationship with my hips, especially in my new position as an assistant casting director for a top movie agency. Now I’m trying to find myself through myself as I juggle, career, love, friends and my family.

After the test

Nourbese September 23, 2014 0 Comments

The last thing anyone wants to talk about when dating someone new and the first thing everyone should talk about before going to bed with someone: STDs.

Quick, run for the hills, this post is going to be dicey! STDs are scary, I know; I’ve lived with one for 14 years. And, I’m young (or, at least I like to think I’m still young – don’t we all? – I’m 29). At any rate, STDs are no laughing matter. Albeit, the only time we really hear about them is in the media being portrayed as a just that: a laughing matter.

The media does a fantastic job of highlighting the fears we all face about contracting an STD – they predicate the stigma – yet, they do little else. They do not talk about the sheer number of people contracting an STD annually and living with an STD, they do not explain that many STDs are curable and the ones that are not curable are usually quite manageable, and they lead us to believe that people who have STDs are dirty, damaged-goods, or whores. I say us, because, even though I’ve learned to live with my STD, I don’t want to acquire another if I can help it and there was a time I also believed those things. Nevertheless, it’s important I tell you this (and for those of you already living with an STD – there are many of you, I know – this will give you hope): I have never been rejected as a result of my STD, an STD has not stopped me from achieving my goals, and if anything, an STD has made me a more open-minded, educated, and conscientious individual. Read the rest here

How to friend zone someone and still be friends…

Nourbese September 23, 2014 0 Comments

So you go on a date with a special someone, you had fun, a lot of fun, so you decided to try again, cause well the first date was great… And while you are enjoying your date you get to the end, and here comes that awkward moment before you kiss, and you realize hum… I like this person, but I don’t like like this person…but he/she clearly like likes you. You want to stay friends, because well, you like hanging out with this person but you want to keep the sexy time stuff out, while keeping the friendship? What a pickle you got yourself in now! However lucky you, follow these steps below, and you will gain your new friend without the homie lover part, or for the matter neither the bitter salty part.

Disclaimer – This only works if you 1) started off dating – if you started off as a friend and then grew into a romantic time and then wanting to return to friendship that is whole other process. and 2) You haven’t had sex with the person in question – sorry folks sex complicates things and can make this process a bit messier. This also requires another process that I can’t promise results. 3) Be sure you want to “friendzone” this person, once you go down this road it’s hard to come back, so be sure you are sure you won’t catch feelings down the way. For the rest of you, here we go!

1) For the first few months, which are vital in this process, you need to re-frame your current relationship into a purely platonic friendship. The first step in this process is to invite your “new friend out” but only to events/outings that are public and are not romantic…and that are in a group setting. Good ideas for this are a group happy hour or a political/social justice event. It is extremely important that you all come and leave separately, in different vehicles or at different times. Do not end up on the train together, or on the same bus, at all cost. Places/activities to avoid: movies, dinner, amusement parks, picnics, outdoor concerts or anything that feels coupley. DO NOT GO OUT WITH A GROUP OF FRIENDS WHO ARE ALL COUPLED OFF. This include friends who might not be official couples, but you know there is something going on there, or friends who seem like a couple, and it’s just a matter a time. <– This is a horrible trap, it will mess up the whole re-framing process. This should go one for at least 3 months. I will mention here, which I would hope is common sense, do not, repeat, do not engage in any romantic/mix signal behavior. Which means no kissing, hand holding, extra long hugs, deep looks into his or her eyes, nothing. However be sure that you do invite him/her out to at least once a month, no more than two, to continue the friendship re-education.

2) This is tricky one to pull off correctly without seemingly like a jerk. You want to make sure you keep the lines of communication open, but in a way that doesn’t inadvertently put you in a place to have “deep” conversations or anything to “connect about.” Now this isn’t to say that you’re not to connect on a deeper level with your new friend, however this early in the re-framing of the friendship, could send mix systems.

Here you need to text maybe once a week, but no more and keep the conversations light.
Respond to text he/she send but don’t make it a priority…example if you’re at work and he/she text you…wait till you’re off. You don’t want to seem over eager, but still want to keep the communication open.

3) For the untrained eye, this next section might seem passive aggressive, but really it’s the final stage in what I call subtly hint. This is where you engage your new friend in conversations about their love life, but without you. This includes questions and or statements like:

I totally can’t wait to see the person you marry.

You know you and so so ( friend of yours) would make a cute couple

So what type of girls/guys are you dating now.

Use these rules as a loose guide, and you will successfully turn an awkward situation into a new friend.

Victory in California!

Nourbese October 23, 2013 0 Comments

Posted on Racialicious.org

As the rest of the country is busy restricting safe and legal access to abortion with mandatory waiting periods, costly clinic restrictions and by targeting doctors, California has become a beacon for reproductive justice and health.

Last week, California Gov. Jerry Brown signed AB 154, legislation sponsored by Assemblywoman Toni Atkins, D-San Diego, which now authorizes trained Nurse Practitioners (NPs), Certified Nurse Midwives (CNMs) and Physician Assistants (PAs) to provide first-trimester abortions under the terms of their licenses (these same providers can already offer abortion with medications). The governor also signed AB 980, which allows abortion facilities to meet the same standards as primary care clinics. With nearly half of California counties lacking an accessible abortion provider, these new laws will help alleviate challenges that many women in our communities face when trying to access abortion services.

Women in rural areas often have to travel long distances to obtain care. This can mean taking extra time off work and finding extended childcare. At the same time, community clinics in urban areas (particularly communities of color) are overburdened, with as many as 1 provider to 2,000 patients in some areas. Women who need an abortion might have to wait a week or longer to get an appointment and then still might spend all day waiting to be seen. Again, this means taking more time off work or studies. Delays can complicate risk and second trimester procedures can be more cost-prohibitive for many poor and uninsured Black women and Latin@s.

And while there’s still a common misconception that abortion is a white woman’s issue, these new laws are particularly important wins for communities of color.

Some may argue that women of color have more pressing causes (education, economic security, criminal “justice”) to champion. No one wants to have a conversation about something that’s being billed as racial “genocide.” And others assume that religiosity means that abortion is not a topic of interest in Latin@* and Black communities. But abortion is a real experience for more than one in three Black women and a quarter of Latina women in the U.S. Therefore, access to abortion services is an important issue in those communities of color.

Furthermore, allowing a larger group of health care professionals to offer early abortion care is one way to reduce health care disparity and increase continuity of care as this allows better coordinated reproductive health care. According to Pew Research, nearly a quarter of non-Hispanic Blacks ages 18-69 are living in poverty, and for Latin@s, it’s 1 in 5 – therefore many are accessing health care via primary care settings, such as clinics. Given that advanced practice nurses and physician assistants deliver the majority of well-woman care in primary care settings, they are the providers many women of color become familiar with, along with the clinic itself. With these news laws, women may now access abortion services from a trusted provider.

And although most people are rightly concerned about safety, a five-year University of California San Francisco study showed that trained health professionals can safely provide early abortions and that women appreciated receiving care in their own communities. The study results, recently published this year in the American Journal of Public Health, showed the same low complication rate for abortions performed by NPs/CNMs/PAs and doctors. It is also important to point out that first trimester abortions are one of the safest types of medical procedures in the U.S.

Given these facts, most people who are stating these laws will compromise the safety of women are saying this not because they care about women, but because they seek to make abortion illegal. And despite conservative rhetoric and skewed statistics, two-thirds of black Americans in this country believe that abortion should be legal in all or most cases. More than eight in 10 Latin@s interviewed for a California Latinas for Reproductive Justice (CLRJ) study believe that Latinas should have the right to decide for themselves the number and spacing of their children. These findings indicate that Black and Latin@ communities in fact DO support a full range of reproductive health services, including abortion services.

Additionally, these findings offer a more accurate picture of our community’s views on reproductive and sexual health issues as a whole. While some Black and Latin@ folk may be conservative or religious and may not support abortion services and/or other reproductive health care, they DO NOT reflect or represent the multidimensional values, experiences or voting outcomes of our entire communities.

Unlike the myths perpetuated by myopic conservative groups, these laws truly reflect a significant health care priority for many Black women and Latin@s in California. Therefore, we consider this a great victory for our families and communities and we look forward to passing more legislation that increases comprehensive reproductive health care not just for women in California – but for ALL women throughout the nation!

*Latin@ is used in acknowledgement of the full spectrum of identities in our communities. What do you think?

Condoms of the future

Nourbese October 4, 2013 0 Comments

The term minimalism is also used to describe a trend in design and architecture where in the subject is reduced to its necessary elements. Minimalist design has been highly influenced by Japanese traditional design and architecture. In addition, the work of De Stijl artists is a major source of reference for this kind of work.

Over the course of a long history, the condom hasn’t changed that much. (Andrew Brookes/Corbis)

From theweek.com

In March, the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation put out a call for a better, “next generation” condom, one that will “significantly preserve or enhance pleasure” for men — all in the name of public health, of course.

“The common analogy is that wearing a condom is like taking a shower with a raincoat on,” Dr. Papa Salif Sow, a senior program officer at the Gates Foundation, tells The New Republic. “A redesigned condom that overcomes inconvenience, fumbling, or perceived loss of pleasure would be a powerful weapon in the fight against poverty.”

But how do you improve on the good ol’ latex sheath? Well, 812 people sent in ideas, and on Wednesday Bill Gates’ charitable endeavor announced 11 finalists, each of whom were given $100,000 to pursue their quest for a superior condom.

Condom technology has basically stayed the same for at least 500 years; the biggest innovations have been the switch from linen and lamb’s intestine to latex, and the addition of a reservoir tip. There has been tinkering like adding flavoring, colors, stimulating textures, and anti-ejaculation chemicals. But what condom breakthrough could be worth $1 million, the potential payoff from Gates if any of these ideas pan out?

Some of the 11 projects build on previous innovations, and the Gates Foundation may ask two or more finalists to work together on a condom design, says program officer Stephen Ward. “There’s not one magic bullet,” he tells The New York Times. “The idea is making them easier for people to use in the moment, in the dark, whatever situation they’re in.”

Without further ado, here are Bill Gates’ 11 potential condoms of the future:

1. The tenderloin
Boring, actual name: Ultra-Sensitive Reconstituted Collagen Condom
Developer: Mark McGlothlin at Apex Medical Technologies, San Diego

Innovation: McGlothlin decided that the best way to make a condom that feels like a second skin is to reinvent the leather condom, in this case using collagen fibers from bovine tendons. Yes, it’s a cow condom. On the one hand, porking with beef sounds very unappetizing. On the other, says Chris Higgins at Mental Floss, “leftover beef tendons are cheap, and they’re also strong natural materials.”

By embedding very thin fibers from them in a cross-linked pattern, a strong-but-thin organic material is created. Researchers also note that the “micro-rough” quality of collagen is great for heat transfer, which lends itself to a plethora of “hot beef” jokes that we’ll leave to your imagination. [Mental Floss]

2. The shrinking sheath
Boring, actual name: Dynamic, Universal Fit, Low Cost Condom
Developer: Benjamin Strutt at Cambridge Design Partnership, Cambridge, England

Innovation: Strutt has repurposed a “composite anisotropic” material — it is stronger when force is applied to it in certain directions — to create a one-size-fits-all condom “designed to gently tighten during intercourse, enhancing sensation and reliability.” In other words, the condom shrinks onto the penis during sex, making it feel more invisible and reducing the chance of leakage.

3. The handle bar (aka The big easy)
Boring, actual name: Project Rapidom
Developer: Willem van Rensburg at Kimbranox (Pty) Limited, Stellenbosch, South Africa

Innovation: Van Rensburg has already created a stir by creating a condom with applicator handles, and he promises to improve the design with the Gates Foundation money. The idea is that men are more likely to use a condom if they can put it on quickly and correctly, without too much interruption. “In sub-Saharan Africa, sex is basically done with low light and it might be very difficult to see the direction of the condom,” explains Dr. Sow.

Here’s an earlier iteration of van Rensburg’s condom handle in action:

4. The Saran wrap
Boring, actual name: Ultra Sheer “Wrapping” Condom with Superior Strength
Developer: Ron Frezieres at California Family Health Council, Los Angeles

Innovation: If Strutt’s condom shrinks, Frezieres’ is supposed to cling — as in the polyethylene film you use to wrap up and cover your food for refrigeration. Frezieres says he wants a condom that “clings like Saran Wrap rather than squeezes,” and he’s found a prototype in Colombia.

The Colombian version is already sold in eight countries, says The New Republic‘s Andy Isaacson. Frezieres group plans on “perfecting its design, replacing the oil-based lubricant for one that’s silicone-based, and working through the requisite FDA approvals.” The American version of the condom will also borrow a page from van Rensburg and contain tabs to help don the sheath. Unlike van Rensburg’s, the pull tabs are part of the condom, not the packaging. You can see an illustration of Frezieres’ condom in action here.

5. The Model T
Boring, actual name: Engineering a Biologically Inspired Condom
Developer: Patrick Kiser at Northwestern University, Evanston, Ill.

Innovation: Kiser proposes to create a new polymer compound similar to lubricated skin, then use the material to mass-produce condoms. “These technologies could improve sensation and the condoms would be readily manufacturable for deployment across the globe,” Kiser says in his pitch.

6. The warm embrace
Boring, actual name: Graphene-Based Polymer Composites For High Heat Transfer, Improved Sensitivity And Drug Delivery
Developer: Lakshminarayanan Ragupathy at HLL Lifecare, Trivandrum, India

Innovation: The big advance in this Indian condom is the use of graphene, a crystalline form of carbon that is super thin, super strong, and very flexible. “It also conducts heat,” the Gates Foundation notes. HLL Lifecare “will mix graphene with currently used condom materials to produce thinner, heat-conducting condoms, and incorporate drugs and compounds to further enhance safety as well as sexual experience.” Hot.

7. Daddy’s little helper
Boring, actual name: Super-Hydrophilic Nanoparticle Condom Coating
Developer: Karen Buch and Ducksoo Kim at Boston University

Innovation: Nanoparticles. Buch and Kim will dress up their condom with “a super-hydrophilic nanoparticle coating” that will add a thin layer of lubrication, helping protect the condom from breakage.

8. The memory stick
Boring, actual name: Ultrathin Adaptable Condoms for Enhanced Sensitivity
Developer: Richard Chartoff at the University of Oregon, Eugene

Innovation: Chartoff proposes developing a strong, ultra-thin, shape-memory material from polyurethane elastic polymers that will activate with warmth. “Think of something similar to shrink wrap that conforms to the shape of an object as it is heated,” says The New Republic‘s Isaacson. “Now think of a penis: During intercourse, body heat would cause molecules in the condom to contract, molding it to the user.” The material would also be about half as thin as latex condoms.

9. The cheating heart
Boring, actual name: The Condom Applicator Pack (CAP)
Developer: Michael Rutner and Russell Burley at House of Petite Pty, in Sydney, Australia

Innovation: Rutner and Burley also tackle the problem of having to put on a condom with your bare hands. Their plan is to create a universal condom applicator that can be used to make sure the prophylactic is put on correctly and without tearing a hole. The condom helper will be conveniently packaged with a condom.

10. The invincible Trojan
Boring, actual name: An Enhanced Condom Using Nanomaterials
Developer: Aravind Vijayaraghavan at the University of Manchester, England

Innovation: Vijayaraghavan and his team are also proposing to create a new material using graphene. Their condom material will be designed with his pleasure in mind, but it will also be durable. Really durable. “Graphene is unbelievably strong (roughly 100 times stronger than steel),” notes Mental Floss‘ Higgins, and this “could lead to a nearly indestructible condom.”

11. The invisible glove
Boring, actual name: Ultra-Sensory Condoms Based on New Superelastomer Technology
Developer: Jimmy Mays at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville

Innovation: Mays is going for realism, in the form of a highly elastic polymer called superelastomers. That should allow for soft, super thin, and cheap-to-produce condoms. “The goal is to make a condom that has the same texture as human skin — you won’t even know it’s there,”Mays tells The New Republic. He’s been researching this kind of soft, durable plastic for 25 years, and the Gates thing sparked an epiphany. “I’m not a condom guy,” he tells The New Republic, “I’m a polymer chemist, and our material was tailor-made for this purpose.”