So you go on a date with a special someone, you had fun, a lot of fun, so you decided to try again, cause well the first date was great… And while you are enjoying your date you get to the end, and here comes that awkward moment before you kiss, and you realize hum… I like this person, but I don’t like like this person…but he/she clearly like likes you. You want to stay friends, because well, you like hanging out with this person but you want to keep the sexy time stuff out, while keeping the friendship? What a pickle you got yourself in now! However lucky you, follow these steps below, and you will gain your new friend without the homie lover part, or for the matter neither the bitter salty part.
Disclaimer – This only works if you 1) started off dating – if you started off as a friend and then grew into a romantic time and then wanting to return to friendship that is whole other process. and 2) You haven’t had sex with the person in question – sorry folks sex complicates things and can make this process a bit messier. This also requires another process that I can’t promise results. 3) Be sure you want to “friendzone” this person, once you go down this road it’s hard to come back, so be sure you are sure you won’t catch feelings down the way. For the rest of you, here we go!
1) For the first few months, which are vital in this process, you need to re-frame your current relationship into a purely platonic friendship. The first step in this process is to invite your “new friend out” but only to events/outings that are public and are not romantic…and that are in a group setting. Good ideas for this are a group happy hour or a political/social justice event. It is extremely important that you all come and leave separately, in different vehicles or at different times. Do not end up on the train together, or on the same bus, at all cost. Places/activities to avoid: movies, dinner, amusement parks, picnics, outdoor concerts or anything that feels coupley. DO NOT GO OUT WITH A GROUP OF FRIENDS WHO ARE ALL COUPLED OFF. This include friends who might not be official couples, but you know there is something going on there, or friends who seem like a couple, and it’s just a matter a time. <– This is a horrible trap, it will mess up the whole re-framing process. This should go one for at least 3 months. I will mention here, which I would hope is common sense, do not, repeat, do not engage in any romantic/mix signal behavior. Which means no kissing, hand holding, extra long hugs, deep looks into his or her eyes, nothing. However be sure that you do invite him/her out to at least once a month, no more than two, to continue the friendship re-education.
2) This is tricky one to pull off correctly without seemingly like a jerk. You want to make sure you keep the lines of communication open, but in a way that doesn’t inadvertently put you in a place to have “deep” conversations or anything to “connect about.” Now this isn’t to say that you’re not to connect on a deeper level with your new friend, however this early in the re-framing of the friendship, could send mix systems.
- Here you need to text maybe once a week, but no more and keep the conversations light.
- Respond to text he/she send but don’t make it a priority…example if you’re at work and he/she text you…wait till you’re off. You don’t want to seem over eager, but still want to keep the communication open.
3) For the untrained eye, this next section might seem passive aggressive, but really it’s the final stage in what I call subtly hint. This is where you engage your new friend in conversations about their love life, but without you. This includes questions and or statements like:
I totally can’t wait to see the person you marry.
You know you and so so ( friend of yours) would make a cute couple
So what type of girls/guys are you dating now.
Use these rules as a loose guide, and you will successfully turn an awkward situation into a new friend.